Masculine Archetype: Nurturer

My social media algorithm presents a lot of content about “toxic masculinity.” I think it’s an important and valid topic to add to our awareness. Toxic masculine traits like aggression, rigidity, violence, and objectification of vulnerable beings deserve to be identified and addressed.

There’s a lot of discussion about what we DON'T want masculinity to be.

I’m thinking about this from a solution-focused perspective. Solution-focused therapy is “a strength-based psychotherapy that focuses on building solutions instead of solving problems.” It shifts the focus away from problems and onto hopes or desired outcomes.

Shifts focus towards what we'd WANT masculinity to be rather than what we want to move away from.

I’m thinking about a nurturing masculine. Bob Ross. Mr. Rogers. Mr. Miyagi. Coach Taylor. Levar Burton. The crew on Queer Eye. 

A dad making pancakes on Sunday morning. A boyfriend peeling an orange for his beloved. A son giving his mother a picture he drew of a flower. A musician writing a song of devotion to the idea of his soul mate.

There are so many ways the masculine can be seen to be nurturing and supportive and interconnected with care. With soft attention. With expression and devotion that is deep and nurturing and received with gratitude and a, “thank you please I’ll have another!”

Today. Right now. I recognize and appreciate the nurturing masculine archetype. Soft wisdom and gentle instruction. Patience. Reliability. Laughter in crinkled eyes. A presence that helps with cars and household repairs. “Plant daddies” who attune and cultivate greenery. 

I think of it as the color dark green or deep brown. The smells of leather and fleece and flannel and cedar. Chin stubble. The bees that go out and get the pollen. They’re masculine, right? Using their labor to enhance the community.

Handy man. Crafts man. Wise man. Gepetto. A chef. Right hand man. Preacher man. Consigliere? Godfather?

Any of these can have malevolent expressions. But they can also be strong and soft and reliable and beautiful in their existence.

A friend of mine said when he’s expressing these aspects he gets to feel good about himself. He gets to be soft and supportive and helpful. He gets to experience himself as a generative force of growth. He gets introduced to parts of himself that usually get crowded out by the expectation to be strong or forceful or “useful.”

I’d love to hear more conversation in our social discourse about the nurturing masculine archetype. Not just because I’d like to meet more of them but because I think our masculine individuals deserve to meet themselves too.